Project Irrelevant : Just Do It

Posted on January 30, 2010


The words are not mine. I only wish I could write like this.

They are what I found in cyberspace, with no named author who I could credit.


I am not who you think I should be, want me to be, see me becoming
I am not your possession, your entitlement, your destiny
I am not the person I used to be.
I am living and breathing but I am not defined by your words and your actions.
You cannot define who I am, you cannot define my life for me
You cannot renegotiate who you think I am, who you want me to be
I am not your perception of me, I am not defined by your understanding or memory of me
You cannot tell me where to go, what to think, who to become, what to think
I do as I want, when I want it, as long as I want it.
I will not be defined by your construction of me.
I will not be defined by your actions and words towards me
I am not female. I am not south asian. I am me first.
You may not impose your feelings on me
Treat me improperly
You may not judge me and disrespect me
I will not be at the brunt of your hypocrisies
Of your lies and false promises
I will not be suffocated by your agency
Your ability to seize my opportunities
Because you may have the power the control
You may seek every opportunity and every breath
But my mind is all my own
You cannot entrap my mind with your words
You cannot entrap the very essence of me
Living breathing flowing freely mysteriously flowing everywhere, uncontrollably flowing all of me everywhere, out towards the universe and I am overcome by me the wholeness the fullness that is me, the paradox that is me, the contradiction that is me
The beauty the ugliness the bitterness the sweetness the completeness which is me
Not who you see me as
Not who you think I ought to be and should become
Not what you think I like
What my desires are
But who I am fundamentally
I am no woman
I am not a south asian
I am me and that is fundamental outside of the cultural and gendered identity imposed upon me
Outside my skin crawling everywhere seeping out oozing out into the minds into the universe
You cannot contain me through the crevices of my female body
You cannot hold me hostage by the color of my skin
Because we all have skin and they are all the same
The blood which runs through our veins
The tears which break our hearts
The same warm tears gushing down
Gushing down so fast
With all of me
But I do not give up
I am not who you want me to be
Who you see me as who you define me to be
I am not your expectations
I will not be defined by the reflection in the mirror when skin deep appearance are never to be trusted
What is true lies deep within our souls, in our blood and in our bones
Faces are empty crevices, empty holes and hypocrisies
Faces are lies, lies told through the color of skin
Through the color, color, creed, nationality
What divides us over and over again
Time and time again we fight
Fight over religion
Fight over color
Fight over class
When will this fight be over
I will not be defined by you
I will not be the image you potray of me
You are able to mutilate my body
But my mind is my own
My very own mind that runs freely despite your entrapment
Despite the commercial imposition you have set upon our world
I will not be defined by you
My curves will not compromise because you do not see them as beautiful
My curves are my own and I love them
Every each crevice, every inch, every nook
Every unexercised, ungymed part of my body
Because I refuse to readjust myself to fit who you want me to be
I know I am beautiful and quite frankly I will not have you tell me otherwise
And the beauty has nothing to do with the way I look, it is within me it is within us all.
But there is something wrong with a world which makes so many of us feel ugly,
Makes us hate the very reflections of us which reflect to us our vanity
So we buy products to cover shit up
And wear cologne and perfume to smell nice and all.
When under the covers, under the make up
Behind the gym memberships where does the truth lie
Who can explain the state of world where one part of the world bodies are dieing and being mutilated while in another part bodies are laid down but it is for the purposes of tanning
How can we be blinded by our own destruction
How can we not feel the pain for our very own brothers sisters mothers fathers lovers and friends
When did other countries become foreigners and enemies
So I will not let you define me
I wont ever be who you want me to be
I will not conform to your standards of beauty
Because I don’t want to be skinny and emaciated
You can keep your plastic surgery and hair extensions
I am going to be me and all that I am
I will not be who you want me to be
You have set up capitalism to entrap us all
Suffocated us and enchained us to dollar bills as if they were the end all be all
As if they were the salvation to what,
A heaven for people who are only Christian for namesake
What have we become
Are we empty bodies roaming from 9 to 5
For what really
For that pay check at the end of the month
For that beemer for that Gucci dress for that benz
When it entraps us all
Further and further we get entrapped in the claws of capitalism
And we are suffocating but we ourselves do not know we are suffocating
The walls are coming down upon us and we are stuck
Here we are
We have a house a mortgage to pay,
Kids to send to school
They need their cell phones, ipods and laptons
So the bills go on
And the slavery continues
While some people are not even fortunate to experience this type of slavery experience a worse types
Our brothers and sisters who are incarcerated
Locked up in prison isolated
Who ever thought prisons would be a good idea
A place of suffocation
And forever they are imprisoned
Even when the metal bars in front of them open, they are imprisoned
No jobs no opportunities and back to the same lack of opportunity which put them there in the first place
And so the cycle continues and racial profiling continues
Why is there so much hate and distrust of our communities
Of our own brothers and sisters
Why did color creed and nationality become everything
Do we not feel the same pain when our family is ill or in pain
Then why do we stop these emotions for our blood relations for people of our color
Because we are black, white, Indian, native American?
No, we are human first
Why do so many of us forget humanity
Forget that lives are suffocating
Dieing endless
Endless death and destruction
While people watch American idols, bachelor, and day time television
People are being slaughtered murdered raped
The genocide of the mind
The genocide of native Americans, of African Americans of Chinese Americans
Why have we forgotten the history or perhaps we have forgotten because the stories never got told
The stories which would send chills down our backs
How great America could it be
Could we have raped and pillaged too?
But we did rape and pillage and we continue doing so
Change starts from home and it starts with aknowledgement
When will native Americans get a proper apology for the genocide which was done upon them
Who has the answers and who has say
I will not be defined by you
I will not be silenced
I have a voice and I will speak for those who cannot
Write for those who are not able
I am tired of being suffocated in lies and corruption of a material world which pulls me in yet I struggle to free myself
Liberate myself
My body my life entrapped
Yet my mind is free
It roams all around the world and it sees everyone like family
You are my own
Every one of you
Whether you hate me or love me
I consider you my own
We are human first
Human is what I am
I am not south asian
I am not woman
I am human
The very blood running through my veins, the sweat which drips on the forehead, the tears which seep silently down my eyes when I think of the atrocities which have been committed in the past and are being committed now
Sometimes I do not know how we exist
In our bubbles
Perfect little bubbles with starbucks and express
With our university educations and laptops everywhere
I am not who you want me to be
I will not be defined by you
Not now not ever
Most of all,
I will not be silenced
You may entrap my body
But you cannot take my mind
For my mind is free to roam the universe and it shall do so time and time again screaming in agony.
We are all human. We are all human. We exist. All of us. We are all human. All in suffering.. all in pain. The suffering of every child, woman, man, is my suffering, the alleviation of this suffering is my calling.

Posted in: Bangsa Malaysia